Sinclair McKay says in this week's Spectator that Viz is a conservative magazine. He bases this on its targets - right-on parents, students and drunken yobbos. Rod Liddle's not so sure.
Anyway, a friend emailed me a list of Viz's parodic readers' letters this morning. Someone ought to publish a book of them:
Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of There is Nothing Left to Lose by the Foo Fighters. I hope that, when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour.
Imagine my shock at getting a letter from my doctor advising me I only had a month to live but thankfully the letter was not for me but for my son with the same name who lives with us. Close call.
I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
Why don't NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time.
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.
We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and p*ssed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us.
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London. (Sent in by reader Werner Hoffman of Munich.)
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Posted by Dan
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
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3 comments:
Definitely a book there:
My favourite Viz letter was on tv show "Manhunt", where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. It read:
“Andy Mcnab’s Manhunt. They should stick a couple of Iraqis in there. They found the twat quick enough when he tried to play hide and seek with them”
Closely followed by:
“U2’s Bono sings “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”. Perhaps he should stop wearing sunglasses indoors, then.”
How about:
According to Nietzsche, "That which does not kill me makes me stronger". I'm sure my grandad would not agree. He suffered a series of massive strokes in the early '90s which have left him an incontinent vegetable for the past 12 years. A Thorne, Sandbach
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway
"One pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania" says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? Tracey Cusick, Cumbria
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon? Stalker, Bournemouth.
I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London
Tee hee. There is a book already I think - I must get it.
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